These days

The days are long these days
and hopefully I swim below the cloudless skies
and wish for wonder but instead find repetition.

Again I think I found the answer
tho the question keeps eluding all my sense of right and wrong.

Does it matter if I judge for pity sakes
and leave the grace and mercy up to God?

Constantly reminded of my lack I pull for shore
the great grey mist my goal.

Can I choose my path by choosing not to follow yours?

Your actions mirror fears I see reflecting back on me.
I do not want your life. I fear it actually.
Your closeness can point out the place
my judgement
of you is really distaste for myself.

Observation and reception
can weigh heavy on my heart.

Your intentions and considerations
tangled under words and tone.

I will not be consumed because you let me down.

Again.

My love for who you are does not completely cover what you do.

Reason is not excuse.

My understanding does not grant you freedom to destroy.

So no, I will not let you batter me.
I will release your life and choice to you and keep mine for myself.

But I will love you still.
Forgiving is a living thing that breathes and sighs and shouts.
Still reaching out
my heart
tho broken
wants to let you in.

Again.

And hopefully the wonder will appear
this time.