love songs in the air
every time I catch a glimpse
I have to stop and stare.
A not so secret longing
my desire ever true
I only want to spend my days with you.
I never know just how excited
I might be
to spend a moment
of my time
in precious harmony
yet it's awfully sweet and true
when thinking thoughts of anything but you
I find I giggle right out loud
at every smart remark
I simply can't believe
the awesome power
each jot and tittle pulls apart
the mundane thoughts
and building blocks
of common life
and leaves in place
a literary tower.
I crown you with my favor
and you crown me with your love
together we are quite a combination.
And tho the adoration
looks like worship
it is passion
that's the fashion of my heart
I simply cannot hide my true emotion
Marvelous is understating you
your genius wit I never doubt
amusing stories fly about
my laughter just comes rolling out
and every breath intended to pitch woo
I am addicted
Does God love us as we are...imperfect, warty, sinful... Or, does He love us because He sees us perfect in His Son?
Are we valuable because He loves us? Or are we loved because we are of value?
Do we claim perfection in Jesus' name in order to secure God's sweet embrace? Or do we feel His embrace long before we know about dropping names?
These may be trivial questions. Honestly the answers do not matter so much to me. I know Jesus. Intimately. I feel so secure in Him that it is really beyond explaining. So I just want to talk a minute or ten about how this secure feeling plays out.
Basically, I feel like I am the queen of the universe. I feel like there is nothing I can do to remove God's love from me. This means that sometimes I do bad stuff. And He still loves me. And I still know it.
One time I was in a store and I wanted some cookies. I reallllly wanted those cookies. No, I didn't steal the cookies. I was prepared to purchase the cookies. But I felt a nudge in my spirit. A whisper..."Babe, don't eat the cookies." I knew it was God.
It really annoyed me. "shhhhhh...I don't want to talk about this right now." I said. (not out loud) No good...He kept pestering me.
He reminded me that I was trying to stay away from sugar. I knew this. I didn't want to hear it. He reminded me that chocolate was not my friend. I didn't care.
Finally, I just told Him to knock it off.
I didn't feel like I was going to get lightning for that. It was just us. I knew He was probably, most definitely, right but I wanted the cookies and I was willing to pay the price. So I did it. I bought the cookies. They tasted so delicious. I didn't get a belly ache. I didn't feel the earth shake. I didn't feel His cold shoulder. He just stayed right there with me.
Now this seems so trivial. It seems down right heretical to me. You can't be sassin off to the God of the universe. Yet I did. And it changed my life. Because right then and there I realized something. (Everyone has those moments...those "aha" times that get lost in translation but you know them...the moments that change your whole way of thinking.) This moment was, for me, a realization that I was not perfect and He was not leaving.
Silly, I know.
Up til then, I think I had believed that God could only see me through the Jesus filter. I could claim the blood now, or at the pearly gates, and it was all gonna be covered. I do still believe that actually. I think that is kinda core to the whole "Christian" thing.
I guess I really felt like it was up to me to name it and claim it. Him I mean. Claim Jesus or not. My choice. If I didn't, I was outside the perfect will of God and in danger. I might could claim Him later on supposing I didn't kick the bucket before I choked out my final "Jesus help me." Shoot, I even had that last call where every knee will bow. But between now and then, well, it felt like it was just best not to tick Him off.
But here, I didn't claim Jesus over that cookie. I just ate it. And God had suggested that I not.
I am not telling you to go around telling God to take a hike while you do as you please. I am just saying that if you do...He won't.
I will even go further to say this. He doesn't stick around because He only sees you as you are "meant to be". Nope. Who you are right now does not scare Him. I feel confident in saying this. You do not intimidate Him. God ain't scareda you.
I realize that He can see my future. He can see me in the glory and perfection of eternity. He can, and does. But that is not why He loves me. It is not what gives me value in His eyes. It is not Jesus that secures our worth.
Folks, I am here to tell you that God loves you because you are you and He likes you. You do really rotten stuff. Much worse than me, I am sure.
Remember that one place where it says "for God so loved the world that He sent His only Son"
Seems to me that sending His Son was in response to His love. God's love for His creation caused Him to sacrifice a part of His very self so that His valuables could all be regained. Get that? We are the valuables.
Look, my feet are burnin here as I stand in the hotbed of theological purgatory.
I claim the blood of Jesus. I am secure in that claim. So secure that I feel free to explore a little into this subject.
In case you got lost...the subject is...value. Your value. My value. Are we valuable to God in our sin? OR are we valuable because God sees our sin no more?
I do not have scripture back up for all this. I am looking...but I haven't found yet a definitive answer. Even if I did, I know that there are many that could find other definitive answers that could stand up to and smack mine down like a crying baby.
So I am just going to make my statement. My source? The Holy Scriptures( in entirety), my knowledge of my Father and His Son, the lover of my life and The Spirit of the Living God that moves and breathes in me filling me with knowledge and understanding. With all that I am saying this...
I did not disappear when I took on the name of Jesus. I kept being me. I will be perfect someday. But I am not there yet. God loves me in full knowledge of who I am and He likes it that way. He likes me. Warts and all.
"Love the people" I hear it in my heart but get confused by all my noise. People are so very hard to love.
"How can I just stand up and love them with your Papa heart?", I ask...not really wanting yet to hear the answer to the question I propose.
"Love them in the now." He says and softly He explains while I begin to listen.
Not judging actions as if actions swayed the vote.
Not holding back a part for later's full confession.
Not wishing something different or waiting til the better comes along.
The way we are in heavens eyes-
Like newly given love upon a sweet face freshly born of mamas womb.
Like starry eyes aglow with treasures sparkle.
Like first discovery and well worn comfort all wrapped up in one delicious bundle.
Love given freely-
seen and cherished knowing strength for weakness triumphs yet again.
Love lavished rightly-
Hearts encircled fiercely in velvet gentle arms.
Love tenderly appointed-
One precious taste of being fully realized and accepted in sweet bliss.
In this moment,
for all you are,
You are Loved.
Deserving Fathers hand upon your head as surely as the sky deserves the wind.
The eagle soars, not wishing more or less than flight.
For flight is what it is.
Creature created and loved in completeness with all that is whole-
the Fathers heart.
We too, created, and deserving, not for any reason except for love.
We are loved.
He loves us.
Our Father-our lover-our brother-
At once sweetly cherished, fiercely protected, tenderly understood.
We are Loved.
If only our hearts could open a little wider.
To see our makers love for what it is.
To smile in the warmth rained down upon us
That beyond anything that was,
or could be-
We are loved.
I am aware (only recently) that it is not about me.
It is not about me...or my freedom...or my relationship with the Lord God OR
His people. (see that can be a big one!)
My walk with the Lord is not now and never will be based on my ability or inability to dance before Him in the assembly.
I am not on display...I do not have to set a good example...I do not even have to
have a good attitude about it...I can just be.
And let whatever come.
I can enter that room and watch and wait...and when
He ushers in the dance I can rest in the presence of the Lord.
I can rest and not worry about what you might think of me
(cuz that is something that I might think about) I can listen for the Lord.
I might be so moved by the
freedom of the dance
that I cannot help myself...I may rush in like a thirsty traveler into a cool stream...
I may lose myself in the
of the invitation of my lover to dance alone with him...
I may feel the
of dancing in the Glory of the Lord with my sisters...
or I may feel belligerent...I may feel stubborn...I may feel shy...I may feel inadequate...
I might have the strength to battle...or may only crumple and weep.
I may feel a nothing...just not a time for me to dance.
It is strange...because I am very new at knowing what I want.
And in this situation I can hear Him asking..."what do you want to do honey?"
I used to think it was all about the order..."do this now ".
And I would do it.
Because I loved Him. Because I was scared not to.
Because I wanted to be a good girl and please Him.
So in my fear I would beg Him for an order. A sign.
Then I would step out.
And it would terrify me...but it would feel so good too.
But I would need that order every time.
Then, when the Lord really kissed me with freedom...I was in a worship setting and I felt something...not a word from the Lord. Something in my heart.
I WANTED to dance.
Actually, first I wanted to run. So I did.
I grabbed a scarf (one of the dancers big flowy scarves)...and I begin to run
in circles around the auditorium. I felt like a little kid. It was really fun!
Now don't think for one instant that I forgot
about everyone around...I still wondered what they were thinking...yuk...but
somehow it just didn't matter...just wasn't a big deal...I didn't care what they thought!)
Then after a few rounds...and me praying that I didn't
have a heart attack because frankly I could not remember the last time I
had run that far...after a few rounds I stopped up at the
front...FRONT...in front of all those people...and I danced. Because I wanted to.
Because I felt the freedom to go sit if I wanted.
But I didn't want to.
I wanted to stand right there,
fully aware of how foolish I might look...and dance.
So I did.
It became as simple as that. I just did it.
Then after a while I sat down.
I danced. I sat down. And here is the freedom
part...not just for me...
He loved that I danced for Him.
I could feel His pleasure.
But I knew that He would have loved me none the less if I had sat the entire time.
He didn't love me more than all the other people in that room.
He didn't see me as more special because I risked something.
He just loved me. And He smiled on me.
And He was pleased with me.
And that...is what freedom feels like. I pray that for you!!
Not that I have it all hooked up. I don't feel the freedom all the time...
but I am learning what it feels like.
I am learning that I want to live THERE!!
I pray for my friends that they will encounter the
Spirit of Freedom that will engage them and get their attention.
I pray that they will taste that sweetness of the Lord that frees
them to know what they want.
I pray that many will know for the first time the freedom of choice in the Lord.
He came to free us to choose!!
He wants us to want HIM!
He wants US!!
That is the turning point for me...the freedom to choose!
I had been living a lovely glorious life but still a false one.
I was serving the Lord.
I was finding joy. I was serving to the best of my ability.
I was doing all that I needed to...but MOSTLY it was based on requirement.
Because I "knew" it was needed and expected of me.
I am amazed at how good that still all felt.
Because He is good. And serving Him is a pleasure and an honor.
But it was not what He wanted for me. It is not what He wants from us.
Because that still makes us slaves.
And that makes Him so sad.
When I dance...it wont be as a slave girl.
I won't wear a veil and wonder if my performance is pleasing.
I will dance in the delight of my Lover.
I will know that my moves captivate Him as no other.
I will know that my presence stirs a place in His heart that He reserves just for me!
I will dance like a child in the sparkle of her daddy's eye.
My moves will make Him giggle with delight as He marvels at His
creation...as He marvels at what He brought forth from His own self.
I will look at Him and see His eyes glisten because He is so touched that I honored
Him enough to want to dance for Him.
I will dance for Him as He dances for me.
He dances for me!
And when He twirls around He catches me eye and He holds out His hands.
He asks me to come dance with Him.
He asks me to choose.
I have a choice.
He gives me a choice.
I will dance because I love Him...because I want to.
And He will be pleased....because He is.
I might dance at your party...I do love to dance.
Pray for more freedom.
A freedom wild enough to challenge our complacency.
A freedom extravagant enough to break through our hesitation.
A freedom loud enough to shout through the noise of all that we have been taught.
May the sticky glory of the Lord fall on you as you
seek Him today!!
(this from the mouth of my youngest son who walks around the
"Here comes the sticky glory ory Halaylula He rains.")