JOY- this is what it means

I don't know if yesterdays post made any sense. I find that I think in circles and yesterday I just kind of leaked my brain out onto the keyboard and well, you see what happened.
Think of it as a journal entry. You picked up my journal and opened up to a random page to find me in the midst of a conversation...with myself.

I think it is important to note that I am first and foremost talking to myself. I do not have an agenda to change your behavior.
You take are of you. K?
But I am in a full on exercise to be me...unedited. I am curious about what I think, what I am about, who I am.
This is hard because I am a first rate mimic. I am also a lifelong subscriber to the JOY bus song.
Did you ever hear that one?
J. O. Y.
J. O. Y.
this is what it means
Jesus first
Yourself last
and others in between.

For the record, I do not necessarily find anything wrong with that sentiment.
My trouble started when I began to leave the Y off entirely.

I am beginning a journey to find the Y.
I think that there are many travelers on this road.

I believe in my heart of hearts that when I really understand how much Jesus loves ME, I will be way better at loving you.

This isn't just a selfish journey to find myself.
Notice the word "just".
It's not just that. But it is that.
Jesus already found me. He is my biggest cheering section. He has poured upon me a love an acceptance that I cannot fully accept...yet. I am shocked at how many times each day I am confronted with His gentle reminders of who I am.

When I see me, how He sees me, my heart swells so deeply and profoundly that I almost cannot breathe.

I have been created to be like Jesus. There is no changing that.
There are a million and one ways to see the evidence of that fact.
I am learning to recognize the signs.
I am finding that when I recognize them in myself...I am better able to see them in others.

Maybe I do kind of object to the JOY sentiment.
I do not think it is a linear equation as in 1,2,3.
More of a JOY soup. All poured in together.

Just thinking about that today.