could be anything. might be nothing. might make you think. could make you wish I would stop.
breathe people...everything is easier when you breathe!


gotcha where I wantcha...

I want to demonstrate my trust in your open heart.
Not that you need that.
Just that I want to say that so you can know that I am sharing something that has really hit my heart heavily. Ready?

I HATE this statement.
"Satan will give us everything in this world in order to gain our souls, Jesus will take everything away from us in order to gain our souls."

(before I go further...I do not know the full context of this statement. In a second I am going to rant about the words and other places this sentence has been used. I am not ranting about this one person saying this one thing in love...that is their business)

Ok, back to ranting.

This statement is bouncing around on my friend list. You may have seen it.
You don't have to hate it but I do and I have to say it to someone or I will pop. So I chose you.


Once, when I was a bout 10 yrs old I sat at bible camp and listened to a man speak during evening "worship" service. He talked about his terrible car wreck that ended up with the death of his fiance. He went on to tell us that he had previously prayed "please Lord, remove everything from my life that is standing between me and a closer relationship with you" Then she was "taken" from him... His big careful what you pray for, you just might get it.

I will say that that talk did anything BUT draw me closer to God.
I was terrified of a God that was so selfish that He would strip me of everything to get closer to me.

One person even used this statement in reference to the people in Joplin after the tornado. Talking about how lucky they are that God has their best interest at heart.

Do you find that completely obtuse? Can you hear my rage at this??

I have been reading a few blogs and community forums around the Joplin tornado and what I see is that non-believers are not drawn to God by trite comments of believers relating to the goodness of God in the face of their losing everything.
For instance, there is a picture that shows total devastation on every side and focuses on a church building in the midst of all that with a cross intact on it's roof.
Church people on the forum were praising God and talking about the fabulous testimony to God that the cross was left standing.
Other people were not necessarily in favor of those churchy comments.
From what I have seen...the Christians are really praising God for all sorts of stuff about how this devastation is a perfect way for God to come in and rescue people, blah, blah, blah....and the non-believers are really wishing the Christians would just shut the hell up. (yes I said hell.)

That said...I am a firm believer that your soul is more important to God than any possession you may have. If it isn't good for you He might see the need to remove it.
Just like I would forcibly remove my child from dancing freely on the edge of a matter if she were kicking and screaming on exit.
But I do not go around wielding a hook and a gong to remove everything from them if I find that they are not toeing the line.

Why do Christians think...or rather, not think....that they can say churchy stuff and make everyone feel better? Why do Christians believe that Bible verses quoted in or out of context is a cure all for hurting? Why do Christians go around bashing my lovely Friend with their made up crap about justice and righteous living and tragedy bringing redemption?
I am just fed up.

Yet I say nothing. Ain't my business. (or is it?)
I believe that God is big enough to take care of Himself and His own reputation. I don't even think a sullied reputation matters to Him in the slightest.

Should I just let it go then? Is a sigh enough?

I can't force relationship. He doesn't even force that. Which is kinda ironic since the whole premise of this ire is based on people talking about how God forces you into relationship like a cow into a chute.
"I will let you think you have a choice but in reality I will close all the gates ahead of you leaving you only one way to go...slaughter. Walk towards the light........."

None of this is very loving. It is a tirade. Me banging my finger determinedly on your chest bone in an attempt to make you stop staying what you are saying.
Step. Off.

I wish you could quit looking at my Father with the eyes of a cowed puppy.
I want you to stop looking at my Lover through the eyes of self righteous religion.

Please, believe me when I say you have got Him all wrong. You were taught wrong. You have learned wrong. He doesn't operate like you think.

Think about it. If you provide comfort by saying that your lack is God's mercy then every blessing becomes a curse.
If you look at a death-bed as God's providence for your soul then how can you pray for restoration?
If you credit Satan with giving you everything then how can you account for the scripture that says "every good and perfect gift comes from above"?!
Maybe we don't get where we want to get evangalistically because we insist on telling the lost and hurting that God has them exactly where He wants them. Sometimes, injust so many words.

And yet...the words of God are not always pleasant promises. I get that. There is lots of hard stuff in there.
But then, they are! Green pastures, easy yokes, you know...good stuff.

How do you get it if you don't get it? Holy Spirit is the only one who can make it clear.
I am so tired of thinking these thoughts and banging my head on these brick walls.
Sigh again.
I feel so very offensive writing this stuff down. Yet, I also feel so very offended to let it go without a word.
I want to say what I think and since this is my page I guess this is the place to say it. So I am.
I can't even begin to go into all I think about because it overwhelms me. The magnitude of it all.

Even after I have said all of the above I still stand by this...
our personal protection is not God's number one priority.

I firmly believe in a loving God and I can say that without blinking an eye.
But I think going around and saying that to hurting people...especially those without a firm relationship with a mistake.
Complicated little sucker ain't I?

If you read this and are deeply offended...maybe it is because this topic is offensive. Maybe we all need to rethink the things that we say and the thoughts that we think.
I am just gonna have to let it go at that.
I don't want to blast peoples' personal beliefs. But that uptight, upright, church belief...Yeah, I wanna blast that a while. Wanna join me?


  1. I've been thinking about this post all week and finally have a minute to address it. I get your anger. I understand it, embrace it, feel it, and reflect it. I don't think most people understand the harm done with their words when they speak without thinking how the hurting one on the other end will receive them. Sometimes we feel the need to say something even if we know it won't help. Keeping our traps shut is too uncomfortable. ;)

    I agree there is some faulty thinking that has been passed down through the generations and it has distorted our view of God's love for us. We need a cosmic magic eraser for times like this, instead we have the church still scribbling that nonsense on the wall. :( The church gives Satan more power than he deserves because they don't understand the power of God. Oh, that's a whole other discussion...

    I find conversations like this refreshing. Oh how I wish we could sit across the table with yummy drinks and philosophize the day away!

  2. Keeping my trap shut is very uncomfortable at times yet I find that it is my default mode these days. (except here of course)
    The longer I walk this road with Papa the more I realize that I don't have the answers. I am just a walking IDK...maybe I should get it in a tat!